Lille with the bitches!

Well, where do I start...I think the best place would be Gare du fucking Nord...in Paris of course! Was there 2 minutes and got hassled twice for change and support of fictional deaf/mute charities by these fucking gypos from Romania. After a while I was getting aggy and just told em I was an eyetie, I don't spit any of that spaghetti shit but what Romanian's gunna know the difference when I talk guinea???

Got pissed off with some bitch on the train, so fucking anal she could have just got off the set with Lex Steel. I was in her seat on a fairly empty carriage...wanker!

Got to Lille, had a few beers and died inside when I saw a video of 90s boyband (frog of course) singing never gunna give you up...still haunts me to this day! Then Jen came so was all good. We went on a erm carousel thing and was funny, lasted a bit too long but was funny seeing Jen mildly scared.

Eventually the rest of the gang turned up (Jade and the Welsh Girl), so we went to some random restaurant, wasn't shite or anything, just a bit random you know. Then we went to some gay bars...cus that's what you do in Lille right! Met the missing bitch Harri there, and I got pissed off with this ponse who believed in the Illuminati and stopped traffic at the lights singing 'who runs the world, girls' fucking eh!

Next day was alright, went to a zoo and saw lots of crazy animals. Then the girls made the best call of the day, they'd leave me in the pub whilst they did some shopping!!! Finally, women with their heads screwed on properly...hallefuckingullah!

Went out to La Plage and mildly drunk, was pimping in there cus I had bare birds under my arm!

The freaks set the bar on fire and started juggling flaming bottles...what weirdos!

Closing time soon after, so I got myself a souvenir of my visit in the form of a pineapple from behind the bar...did it before zee germans get there...

Dunno why I'm doing my best Calvin Harris impression...I fucking hate that jock cunt.


Went to sleep, woke up, went home, got hassled at Gare du Nord just the once asking if i spoke english, a quick "NEIN" sorted her problems out and safely got away thank fuck.

Last day of Movember today, gunna be interesting.

Amster-brain-damaged!

Had a long weekend so was only right that we used this time to go Dambusting! Rented cars, got fucked over by the rental people and ended up in a Fiat 500 (sadly I quite liked it).

Standard road trip up there, driving through Belgium and crawled into clog country around midday. Eventually got to the Dam and to our lovely hotel then decided a beer and spliff was not to be missed.

My Grolsch went down quicker than a local window worker...then we smooked some weed.

About 20mins after the photo was taken, I started to feel like shit. Went to get off my bar stool the quick way by falling to the ground head first. Supposedly my eyes went into the back of my head n whatnot, but my lot are cunts for not seizing the opportunity to take photos whilst I seized on the floor!

Came to a minute later, got to my feet, looked around then drunkenly proclaimed "oh yeah, I'm in Amsterdam innit"...then Tinie Tempah'd!

Woke up with a dutchman frantically rubbing ice over my head and being fed bread like a pigeon on the high street, I plucked up the courage to get up and I managed to put my coat on and go outside for some air.

...I didn't really, got the coat over my shoulders and faceplanted again within two steps!

Turns out it's not a good idea to go and get baked in the Dam on an empty stomach and 90mins sleep. Oh well, you lives and learns.

After a nice 14hr sleep I felt normal again, and my pretty face was fine too. Bumped into my responsable (teacher in charge of me) in the dam, definately wasn't awkward seeing her when you're having a beer on the hotel porch at 11.30am.

Loved life with a couple paddy fry ups and got on the Guinness.

Went to the Heineken brewery, ate some space cake, then went to the sex museum, was pretty cultural I spose.

Got drunk as a skunk, ate fried chicken, sang Rick Astley in bed then passed out.


Nice drive home apart from the speeding tickets for being 30 km/h over the limit, Gendarmerie, you have made yourself another enemy...wankstains.

Onwards to Troyes McClure

Seeing as I'll be drumming my way into the dam next weekend thought I'd have a quiet weekend in Romilly. Found out footy was on in Troyes so that trumped the chinky buffet lunch in Romilly.

Troyes is a weird one to pronounce, started out with the standard Brad Pitt "hi you can hit me anywhere but my heels" Troy. Nope.
Next it was like Trow or some shit...even worse.
Turns out you say it like the number 3 'trois'. Slimey bastards lull you in with their wine, cheese and half-decent women then they drop this shit on you...dunno why I'm still here.

Troyes was good though, much better than that shithole Paris. Footy was good, free tickets for students and Troyes won so was bi-winning I think.

Stayed with Sarah, no homo, and one of her lot was having a wee shindig to celebrate his b'day so we rocked up there and was pretty good. Met a few jerries and they were pretty cool, I started spewing out fritz talk and they were impressed with it...learnt it all from Band of Brothers :P
Someone fell asleep with their shoes on and I showed em a trick or two with a highlighter.

stat counter

Cus I'm so insecure about myself I thought it would be a good idea to put in a stat counter to see how many of you not so lovely people read my filth.

Now fuck off.

No Paris, you're a shithole

Went to Paris the other day...was fucking amazing, it's such a beautiful city and it's full of joy and joyness. I'm lying. Paris is a shithole, looks like they've taken something pretty, like Eva Longoria, and bashed her over the face with a sledgehammer...twice. Yeah it's certainly not the city of love and all that romance crap that I don't feel in this cold heart of mine, imagine a gypsy campsite, then add illegal immigrants...yeah that's Paris.

The upside to my journey was being back together with the gang: Will, Jen and the Welsh Girl.

Couldn't get anything done out there. Not only do these bastards strike for the fun of it, they fucking take days off as and when they like, the equivalent of a Bank Holiday but every fucking week...wait why the fuck am I complaining, I've just started working in a school! As a result we walked a lot, and for the first time in my life, I genuinely felt sorry for Welsh Girl, and I've fucked her shit up on many occasions.

To top off the shitholeyness of Paris, I was on the metro and as we rolled up to one stop this African cripple is sat on the platform, and calm as a coma, whips his weiner out and pisses onto the platform...

...no fucker bats an eyelid to it, it's probably cleaning the city up to be fair. I vow never to return to this place.

Going back to the dam next week so gunna be loving life with that, enjoying all things legal out there, might pop by Anne Frank's place too and have a play on the drumset for a bit ;)